Stoic Meditation 12 - Making Peace with the Cruelly Indifferent Universe

"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent." - Carl Sagan

Jun 19, 2024

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There is an objective reality which we we cannot completely know. It's the reality that's "out there," filtered by the limitations of our senses. Our eyes, for example, can detect just a small fraction of the electromagnet spectrum. Much of it is outside our ability to perceive. Gamma rays, x-rays, ultraviolet light, infrared light, micro and radio waves are all imperceptible to our sense of vision. Centuries of experiments using our senses and inventions that extend our sensitivity have established a modest collection of fundamental laws regarding the nature of objective reality. Laws that are unrestrained by personal beliefs, values, and judgments. They just are, whether we want them to be or not. Forty years of Darwin Awards illustrate just how stubborn these laws are to ignorance or malformed beliefs.

"The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it." - Michael A. Singer

As limited as our experience of objective reality may be, we make up for it by creating amazingly rich subjective realities for our selves. We are well-endowed with the mental machinery to make it seem as if we have a handle on what qualifies as "real." For the most part, this is a useful and beautiful thing. It allows us to imagine amazing futures, deal with past trauma, and experience everything in between.

The downside to this upside is that each of us actively - and unconsciously - persuade ourselves into thinking the version of reality we carry around in our head is the same reality that's in everyone else's head. Or close enough so that "they should just get it" or "they should know better" or "it's just common sense."

When this magnificent bio-computer of ours is used to curate a perfect inner world, it's anathema to what it means to live authentically, to experience the human experience. When used to fabricate an intricate web of self-serving and untested beliefs, it can make us - and those around us - miserable.

It doesn't help that the shiny blinky bits of man's creativity have reinforced our mental machinery with some unfortunate metaphors for how Life in the Real World works. The world outside our head moves relentlessly forward. Unlike the world inside our head, the pulse of objective reality has no pause button, no rewind or replay feature, no fast forward, no edit capabilities, and no do-overs.

History may be written by the victors, but there will always be new victors to re-write history. None of which changes actual events, only how we manipulate or elect to misconstrue them. Erecting or toppling statues doesn't change history, it simply makes some people feel good and others feel bad. Which history to believe, then, becomes a choice. Those who work to get closest to the source data, who work to include the broadest scope of perspectives to their world view will be rewarded with a sense of place in the world. Those who reflexively accept what others want them to know, what others insist they believe and think, will live in mental poverty and self-enslavement.

[T]he most dangerous delusion of all is that there is only one reality. What there are, in fact, are many different versions of reality, some of which are contradictory, but all of which are the results of communication and not reflections of eternal, objective truths. - Paul Watzlawick, How Real is Real

System researchers call these different versions of reality mental models for a reason. They are incomplete replicas of the real world. The degree of incompleteness, and our awareness of that degree, is what separates the sane from the insane.

When I was much younger, mental model mis-matches with someone else often lead to a frustrating impasse. The expectation felt as if we should be able to read each other's mind but we lacked some unknown skill for accomplishing this. In the end that wasn't the root of my frustration. Thinking about the mis-match from the other person's perspective, it was clear that expecting us to read each other's mind assumes we understand everybody's model is different than our model, it's just that we lack some skills for sussing each other's model automagically.

Except, people don't understand our mental models are different. It's closer to the mark to say most people assume everybody's mental model matches their mental model. Or should. When confusion or conflict occurs, we usually assume the other person is somehow defective or lazy or malicious or resistant or in some other way actively working to upset our model of the world.

Alas, there is nothing we can do to alter or circumvent the laws of objective reality. They are applied to every one of us with impartiality and cruel indifference. With the laws of subjective reality, however, we have choice. A lot of choice, whether or not we realize it.

"Circumstances are what deceive us - you must be discerning in them. We embrace evil before good. We desire the opposite of what we once desired. Our prayers are at war with our prayers, our plans with our plans." - Seneca, Moral Letters, 45.6

Paradoxically, simply having a clear understanding that our mental models have errors, are incomplete, and are more mis-match than match is immensely empowering. Knowing that what we know isn't a faithful representation of the mindbogglingly complex objective reality in which we swim, let alone the subjective reality resident in the minds of 8 billion other people, places us in a much better position to adapt to a constantly changing and challenging world. It becomes incredibly easy to identify gaps in our knowledge because we aren't working so hard to hide the gaps - mostly from ourselves. It becomes much easier to ask questions, explore, update our knowledge, and correct the errors in our model of the world. In the vernacular of today's pop psychology, this is the life of someone with a growth mindset, a scout mindset.

The alternative is to expend tremendous energy working to maintain an increasingly fragile world view. The annual waves of campus-spawned outrage focused on the grievance du jour by hilariously insulated Students of Posh offer some of the best examples of fragile and uninformed mental model mis-matches. This is the life of someone with a fixed mindset, a soldier mindset.

“Just as what is considered rational or irrational differs for each person, in the same way what is good or evil and useful or useless differs for each person. This is why we need education, so that we might learn how to adjust our preconceived notions of the rational and irrational in harmony with nature. In sorting this out, we don't simply rely on our estimate of the value of external things, but also apply the rule of what is in keeping with one's character." - Epictetus, Discourses, 1.2.57

Perhaps more importantly, with a growth/scout mindset it becomes easier to determine the intent behind the actions of others. This opens the way to compassion, gratitude, and forgiveness without friction. When conflicts happen, those opposed to us are no longer adversaries but sparring partners.

"If anyone can prove and show to me that I think and act in error, I will gladly change it - for I seek the truth, by which no one has ever been harmed. The one who is harmed is the one who abides in deceit and ignorance." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.21

Each of us has chosen - however convoluted the path, whether actively or passively - to step onto the mat, spar with our limitations, and - win, lose, or draw - improve our character and deepen our wisdom. When you know you are here to learn and discover, to strengthen your weaknesses and broaden you understanding about yourself and the world around you, the path to living a rich and purposeful life becomes clear. The reward for your efforts are deeper and clearer relationships with the people you care for.

Beliefs that make it easier to work WITH rather than AGAINST Nature

I have an ever-growing set of beliefs that make it easier to accomplish the goals described above. Here are a few I've found particularly useful...

Nature doesn't care for us. We care for us. The nature of Nature, if you will, is that it provides the raw materials and conditions for life along with an abundance of opportunity to create. Most of these opportunities are very small. How we act on those opportunities, if we even recognize them, is what defines who we are.

The natural environment traps us if all we do is confine ourselves to the rules defined by the environment. But such confinement isn't our nature. It's the nature of every living thing to press against boundaries. It's our nature to leverage opportunities to further our ambitions and escape our fears. A force multiplier for building a momentum of success is to work with other like-minded individuals. When your goals and actions (or those of your tribe) are in line with objective truth, the odds for success are improved. If they are fundamentally counter to objective truth, well, Nature will obligingly quash your fantasy, and that of your tribe, with cruel indifference.

"If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled - have you no shame in that?" - Epictetus, Enchiridion, 28

To live is to struggle. The only problem-free state is death. Our distant ancestors fought to survive in a world where just about everything could kill them, either for food or because our fragile bodies lose against things like rock slides, lightning, floods, falls, freezing temperatures, and a whole host of natural events. The struggles of those who survived lead to mastery over fire, the invention of tools for building shelter and hunting, clothes, domesticated animals, the wheel, the lever, navigation on land and water, steam power, mastery over electricity, antibiotics, the Internet, and so much more. We owe it to our ancestors to take advantage of as many of the opportunities that come our way, no matter how small.

So this doesn't sound like a belief lifted from the Masochist's Guide to Higher Consciousness, know that struggling isn't the same as suffering. Struggling may include a bit of suffering, but suffering isn't a requirement. Frequently, suffering is a choice, especially among those for whom struggling has been outsourced. Discomfort, however, suffering's younger sibling, will be a constant companion.

"The greater the difficulty the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests." - Epictetus

But.

Not just any struggle. Choosing to identify with your struggles and suffering that leads to extended efforts to prolong and amplify them is little more than self-indulgent crap. Doing so leaves you inordinately vulnerable not only to the Cruelly Indifferent Universe, but to the worst kind of predators among the human population. Choose the struggles that matter to you. On that note...

Answers to complex problems worth solving - about the world or ourselves - don't come easy. This is the pay-off for all that struggling and pushing on the boundaries of your mental models. There's no way to "google" an experience. It's the real-world events that skin our knee or tickle our funny bone, create memorable experiences, and build wisdom. Our exquisite skills as pretenders, however, and acting "as if" in a world more secure than any in the history of mankind makes the illusions and fabrications seem real. Living exclusively "as if" is a fragile strategy. In the blink of an eye, Life in the Real World can shred the tissue paper of our make-believe world and render us exposed and unprepared for the Cruelly Indifferent Universe.

Purpose is found in working to solve the problems that matter to the most people. But these problems are usually not the obvious ones. For example, "climate change" (which used to be called global warming and before that global cooling) excites a lot of people who end up doing a lot of ground work that benefits a much smaller and more powerful group that has zero interest in the well-being of the planet, much less everyone else. Similarly for "defund the police." Worthy causes on the face of them, but beneath the thin veneer are an impressive collection of what Rob Henderson has labeled "luxury beliefs." People who allow themselves to be suckered into working for The Straw Man end up being discarded when their usefulness is spent or has expired.

"My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened." - Michel de Montaigne

Life is fair. But only if you understand and accept which field of play you're on and the rules. Ultimately, there is only one field and one set of rules that matter - Nature's field, Nature's rules. Knowing Nature's rules are the most stable and reliable, will be applied with blind impartiality, and are devoid of any favoritism puts you in control of your future. If this frightens you, then suffering is your lot. If it excites you, then no obstacle is permanent and you will succeed.

"Remember how long you've been putting this off, how many extensions the gods gave you, and you didn’t use them. At some point you have to recognize what world it is that you belong to; what power rules it and from what source you spring; that there is a limit to the time assigned you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself it will be gone and will never return." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 2.4